Quit Doing These 5 Things & Start Healing Yourself From Toxic Social Media
It took me over six years of deep internal work to overcome my old self who was stuck in the social and mainstream media trap of doom-scroll and comparison.
Here are the 5 things I stopped doing to start owning my beauty, taking back my power, and letting go of the toxic mainstream and social media influence many of you are faced with today.
1) I STOPPED CONSUMING TOXIC MEDIA
Well, that’s no surprise. But hear me out.
My idea of toxic media is anything that I’d hear or watch that has derogatory, demeaning, or negative messaging and any content I’d consume that goes against my morals or values.
Like many of us, I went through that phase in my early 20’s where I was focused on the partying, stacking cash, and listening to things that would match that type of vibe and lifestyle.
Songs that would emphasize and glorify the drinking, drugging and clubbing and that would objectify the appearance of a woman’s body. Those songs would put me in the mood to party and hustle because back then, it had matched that theme in my life.
I was also watching many reality TV shows, mainly the one’s featured on E, MTV and VH1 showcasing characters with ridiculous and overly dramatic, and manipulative behaviors, that I found at that time, quite entertaining.
What was it about watching these overly glammed-up and enhanced characters behave in these scandalous ways did I find entertaining?
I realized that I was addicted to watching the drama. And I was buying into what I call “the look.” I’ll talk more about “the look” later.
My behaviors back then were a direct reflection of the entertainment I was consuming.
Random and dramatic fights with the boyfriend, assuming things about situations with others and acting on those assumptions and being overly emotional without any logical proof or concrete evidence.
It seemed as though the more reality TV I consumed, the more out of touch with my own reality I became.
But after I decided to put an end to the years of partying and hustling, to level up and become a better woman in every area of my life- I’m talking physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally, I realized that, this type of so called entertainment I once enjoyed was no longer entertaining to me.
I now viewed it as disempowering because it was all incongruent who the newer and better person I wanted to become. That type of music was no longer relevant to where I was and especially to where I wanted to be in my life.
There was more to me as a woman than just my body.
And watching people on TV acting out in those scandalous ways just became really disturbing.
So, with these new insight that I had, I stopped consuming it and I became more mindful of the music, tv shows and even movies I chose to watch.
Many of us are unaware that these words and phrases from our favorite song and images that we see on the screen have a direct impact on how we feel about ourselves and how we feel and interact with the world around us, whether we realize it or not.
The words we hear and images we see get imbedded into the subconscious mind. The media that we consume has the power to influence our thoughts, behaviors and emotions.
If you currently heard a song you loved from 15 years ago, chances are certain people, places, or things will pop into your mind or a certain feeling will wash over you in the present moment.
What I really enjoy now is instrumental music that moves and captivates my soul. Music with rhythms and beats that make me feel good.
And as subtle as it may be, there’s no longer that mental component and processing of what’s being articulated in a song’s lyrics.
Now, instead of watching content that makes me feel anxious or uneasy, I prefer to watching things that leave me feeling inspired, uplifted or in awe. I love stories that move and captivate me in the direction I want to go.
Because of these changes, I’m more in control of my own thoughts and ideas which translates to the way I feel about myself and the way I interact with the world.
2) I STOPPED LOOKING AT SOCIAL MEDIA CONTENT THAT TRIGGER NEGATIVE FEELINGS
It’s so easy and habitual for me to grab my phone and hop onto social media.
In the past, I’ve fallen victim to the doom scroll of comparison in some form or another.
When I’m on the couch in my robe, haven’t showered, struggling to clear my acne breakout due to the shitty way I’ve been eating, not having worked out in a couple weeks, and I see pictures of these people with “SEEMINGLY” perfect lives, and flawless appearances, I fall into a pathetic pity party of pessimism.
I’d notice these images…and that’s just what they are…images, and I’d compare what I see on my screen to my own, real life flesh and blood.
I was comparing myself to what the latest editing software technology is capable of doing with a woman’s appearance.
This behavior was taking a toll on my mental health and of the way I viewed and felt about about my body, all the things I didn’t have, and all the things I wasn’t doing with my life.
Once I became aware of this behavior, I had to start becoming intentional with the content I was consuming online and on these social media apps. And I had to learn to catch myself when I was falling into that compassion trap.
I’d ask myself questions like,
“How does my feed make me feel?
“What are the thoughts that come up when I get onto my social media account?”
“How do I feel once I log off?”
“How much time have I wasted?”
“Did I even learn anything?”
What I realized was that the mindless behavior I was spending scrolling actually made me feel horrible. Thoughts I had were usually negative and I’d usually get off the couch feeling less-than.
What was supposed to only be me getting onto my social media to check my inboxes usually turned into an hour or two of doom-scrolling content that offered no educational value.
Once I became sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, I removed the profiles that stirred up those icky feelings and followed profiles that would spark joy and inspiration within me.
I also stopped engaging in commentary and sharing my opinions on discussions that at the end of the day, were really meaningless. Today, if I have nothing positive or helpful to add to the conversation I refrain from engaging in it.
I became a lot happier once I made the decision to only give my energy to the things that spark joy and that truly make me feel good.
3) I STOPPED TRYING TO MAKE MY BODY FIT THE CULTURAL STANDARDS OF THE “IDEAL” PHYSIQUE
I remember the time when Jlo and her assets started to become a thing. So I thought that by following what I had read in Seventeen and CosmoGirl which was a workout to build curves by doing donkey kicks and air squats, that it would help me achieve this killer body that the media was just swooning over.
Well of course it never happened with the donkey kicks and air squats. And as I got older, and with the newer influencers promoting this body type, as well as the type of music I was listening to and industry I was in that glorified these assets, I started investing a lot of time and energy around trying to get my body to fit this mold, to build muscle, and eat enough protein.
Of course I didn’t have a trainer and I was doing things on my own while feeling miserable in the process.
My main approach to fitness was to change the way I looked. It was not to prioritize health and well being like how it is now.
And once I got into acceptance that I will never have assets like Kim or jLo, unless I get that type of surgery, which just for today I am not willing to do, I started to see fitness and exercise as a form of self-love and self-care.
Now, when I work out, I think about health and longevity and the importance of maintaining my muscle mass as I get older.
Side note: I find it really interesting that depending on where you are in the world, beauty standards change. For example, here in the west, many of us spend so much time and money tanning our skin. I used to do this for a short while but I haven’t in a long time. In parts of Asia, many of the people there spend time and money whitening their skin, as it has been considered a long time beauty standard and linked to social status.
I realized that these standards are always changing, so I stopped believing and buying into other people’s definition of what is considered ideal.
Easier said than done, of course. But it took work and it became easier to start honoring my own beauty, and coming into acceptance. I started changing my perspective around what is considered beautiful. Hint: It’s so much more than how one looks.
Once I started taking action based on self-love I started to experienced this feeling of profound freedom.
It was as if there was a heavy weight lifted from my being and I was no longer held prisoner to the vanity insanity.
4) I STOPPED SPENDING UNNECESSARY TIME AND MONEY TRYING TO MAINTAIN “THE LOOK”
I describe the look as that overly done up appearance. The enhanced appearance. The bigger is better and the longer-is better-appearance.
It took me a lot of time, money and energy maintaining my appearance in the ways I felt I needed to.
Trying to have “the look” was, for me, sort of like a security blanket.
I couldn’t go out and let others see me unless I had makeup on and my nails done.
I needed to always wear shoes with a heel because I thought I was too short. My motives for getting ready and putting myself together were usually fueled by insecurity and not feeling pretty enough or good enough.
When I decided to take a break from the nail salon, I came to realize, that my natural nails were actually quite strong and beautiful on their own.
When I stopped using the fake eyelashes, I gave my real ones the chance to grow back and now I’m so grateful for the extra time and money I have in not needing to apply or maintain them.
I stopped cutting off my hair and I committed to growing it out again, only this time taking better care of it using less heat and chemicals, and lo and behold, no need for extensions.
I had to learn the difference between spending energy on my appearance to match the occasion, honor my beauty and to do it as a healthy form of self-care vs. getting ready, spending time, money and energy chasing “that look” for outside validation and because I’m unhappy with my appearance and with how I felt about myself.
My perspective around my appearance has become a balancing act and I’ve learned to use makeup and procedures as a way to enhance my natural beauty, not take away from it.
5) I STOPPED BELIEVING THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS I HAD ABOUT MYSELF- ESPECIALLY WHEN I’D LOOK IN THE MIRROR.
There was a time when I’d catch a glimpse of my reflection and mutter “ugh” not out loud, but to myself. “Ugh,” ( that my arms were too puffy), “ugh” (that that my boobs aren’t as perky), “ugh” (that my hair doesn’t look the way I want it to look). And on, and on and on.
And each time, that sound in my head would become louder and louder. I was in such a bad state of self-loathing over my perceived flaws and I was in such desperation to stop feeling that way.
I just wanted the freedom to be me and love the skin I was in,
so I made the decision to work on myself from the inside out, to stop all the other behaviors surrounding my appearance that signaled “not enoughness,” to lean into the self-love and self-care, and to come into acceptance of those parts of me I once loathed.
And you know what? Along the way, I realized something.
I realized that nothing I do to the outside of my body will ever make me feel enough. Beautiful enough. Worthy enough. Validated enough. That it was all an inside job.
It wasn’t until I started doing the internal work, making the mindset shifts, refusing to no longer allow mainstream society to influence me, that I started to feel better about myself- about who I was and about how I looked.
One of the tools that has helped me with my internal change work was writing affirmations on the mirror with a dry erase marker. This is a tool I still use to this day.
I’d see the affirmation multiple times a day, as the first thing I’d see as I’d brush my teeth in the morning, the last thing I’d see doing my night time routine, etc. I’d keep that affirmation up until I started to believe it and started to feel relief.
I also changed my perception and reminded myself that every single human being has flaws and parts we love about ourselves, and other parts that we don’t love so much. And that’s okay.
When I fully comprehended and internalized that no human being is perfect, and that I am not perfect, I started feeling more in touch with my humanness as well as with humanity.
Again, there was this kind of freedom that I had experienced along with the self-acceptance.
Side Note: There’s a scene in the movie Wicked where Galinda, catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror of a china cabinet and says “Well hello…wowwww….…” I absolutely fell in love with that scene and I wish that every women would embody that energy of loving what they see in the mirror.
When it comes to affirmations, at first you aren’t going to believe it and it may even feel like a lie, but when you commit to doing the internal change work necessary to level up, you’ll start to feel the shifts and your internal dialog- what you say to yourself- will change. And I promise you, sooner than later, you’ll realize, just like Galinda, “Wowwww……..”
In Conclusion:
I encourage you to be more mindful of the music you listen to, the shows you watch and the social media you consume. I want you to ask yourself and pay attention to how all of it makes you feel.
I encourage you to first stop and think about your behaviors around your appearance and the money you spend, and ask yourself, “am I doing this because it makes me feel good? Or am I doing this because don’t like how I look and I feel pressured to look a certain way?
I want you to learn the difference between behavior motivated by self-care and behavior motivated by self-loathing.
Lastly, I want you to start saying loving things to yourself, especially in the mirror.
We’ve got this one body, this one life.
We need to make peace with who we are and be our own best friend.
I want you to fall in love with who you see in the mirror.
Click the link below to grab your free worksheet to help you get started on your journey into owning your beauty and to find your true worth and power from within.